shining light

Poetry by  linda m. crate   Art by  Kayla L Miliner

shining light
sometimes
it’s hard to remember
to shine
sometimes the light lays strangled
and buried in me
when i lose my patience or temper
especially,
but i always feel guilty later;
people shouldn’t go around throwing daggers
through the hearts and souls of others
we never know what they’re
going through—
i struggle
with every insult hanging on the teeth
of nightmarish grins
the darkness always knows how to cut me like a knife,
but i won’t let these unseen battles crush me;
with my bravery i will banish all
the diseased and dark things in me because i only
aspire to be a bright, shining light.
– linda m. crate

it still hurts
some wounds
don’t sew closed,
but remain
opened for all to see;
and i know you think everything
was my fault that i instigated it
all—
i think not
because i was just a little girl who
wanted to be the perfect daughter,
but nothing i ever did was
good enough for you;
rejected and bullied by my peers and rejected and
bullied by you i became shades of anger and sadness
didn’t want to ever hear the sound of your
voice because it meant me being
a slave to my pain—
i love you,
but i resent you too;
i was just a little girl whose threadbare ego you smashed to bits
just because you were a control freak hungry for power
against a girl whose heart was already bleeding
i always hungered for a father who loved me
but you couldn’t be that man
when all i ever was to you was your stepdaughter
don’t even deny it
i heard you say it on the phone—
my memory is just as powerful as my mercy and forgiveness
it still hurts.
– linda m. crate

you hurt me worse
all you ever wanted
to do was
silence me
because you didn’t understand
the importance or strength
of my dreams,
and you were always yelling at me
telling me to think of my future;
you didn’t know
i always did—
always dreaming of how much distance
i could put between yourself and i
because you hurt me worse than the bullies at
school did,
and i wanted freed of your stringent rules
unfair and cruel and always far too
harsh,
and i just wanted you to see me for me;
but you refused
only saw the dreamer without seeing my logic or
brilliance always thinking me substandard
to you;
but i was never a fool—
perhaps the only foolish thing i did was trying to get
you to love me,
and you always said you did;
but i never believed you
actions speak louder than words and you never did anything
loving.
– linda m. crate

See more art from Kayla at Kaelm on Insta!